


Changes and Chances

by loves_books



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Canonical character death (Valerie Lewis), Community: lewis_challenge, F/M, International Fanworks Day 2015, M/M, Mention of previous relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3355856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loves_books/pseuds/loves_books
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was amazing, the twists and turns your life could take when you least expected them. You couldn’t always see the changes lurking around the corner, but you could decide whether or not to take the chances on offer, however unexpected they might be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Changes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Lewis roulette: Black 33 'The Times They Are A Changin'' by Bob Dylan, and Red 3 'Take A Chance On Me' by Abba.
> 
> Huge thanks to my beta Willowbrooke for all her help and endless patience, particularly after I threw out my first two drafts and started all over again! I've tinkered with this a fair bit since she last looked at it, so any remaining errors are entirely my fault.

It was amazing, the twists and turns your life could take when you least expected them. Never in his whole life had Robbie expected to be where he was today, with this special someone sleeping so peacefully by his side. He’d never thought he would be this content again, or this happy, not after everything he’d been through to get here.

When he was a lad back in Newcastle, taking those first steps towards becoming a man, he’d wanted what everyone else wanted; a steady job, a loving wife, and a happy family. Nothing more complicated than that, and he’d been lucky enough to find it all. The police force had given him the career he’d wanted, and then there had been Val, followed swiftly by Lyn and then Mark. 

Beautiful, wonderful, amazing Val, who had stolen Robbie’s heart away the very first time he’d seen her, and had miraculously fallen in love with him in return. He’d never thought he could be so head-over-heels in love, and the two of them had been incredibly happy together. It hadn’t been a perfect marriage, of course – what marriage was ever completely perfect, one hundred percent of the time? – but it had been very real and rock solid. They’d each complemented the other, fitting so perfectly together that at times Robbie hadn’t known quite where he ended and Val began.

She’d always laughed at him when he told her that, calling him an old romantic as he swept her into his arms and kissed her over and over again. Perhaps he was, but he’d meant every word. They were meant to grow old together, with their two kids and dozens of grandbabies, and Robbie was going to retire and take care of Val in the same way she had always taken care of him after so many long and difficult shifts.

But then, suddenly, she was gone. Snatched away from him without even a breath of goodbye. The future Robbie had planned so carefully, had dreamed about for so many years, had vanished into a puff of smoke with the careless driving of a desperate man who hadn’t even stopped to see the devastation he’d left in his tracks. And Robbie, with his two children grown and flown, had been left alone to try to pick up what pieces of his life he could.

He’d run, of course. Into the bottle at first, then as far from Oxford as he could, and then into his work, when he finally grew brave enough to return. He saw Lyn married to a wonderful man who worshipped her, celebrated with her when she fell pregnant, and cried alone to think that Val would never hold her first grandson. Mark had run, too, to the other side of the world, but from the brief and increasingly rare emails Robbie received, he seemed to be happy with the life he’d found there.

Robbie hadn’t thought he’d find love again, not after losing his Val. No one could ever replace such a remarkable woman. For the longest time he’d simply had no interest in finding someone else, though the occasional date and a touch of harmless flirting had helped when his loneliness grew too much to bear. And then, when the pain of losing her had started to fade into a familiar ache he found he could live with, when he could look back at his memories of her and smile rather than cry, to his surprise he’d found someone standing there, waiting patiently. 

Laura shouldn’t have been a surprise. Robbie had known her for decades, after all, since she’d first started working with the police. They’d been colleagues at first, then increasingly good friends as the years passed. He’d gone with her as ‘plus one’ to cousins’ weddings, and they’d attended shows and exhibits together, even the occasional out of town event – always with separate hotel rooms, of course, and a tacit understanding. 

When they finally got together, it had been more wonderful than he could have dared hope, after so many years of friendship – passionate yet comfortable, fiery yet familiar, and Robbie had been happy again, to his surprise and joy.

It hadn’t lasted. No great fault on either side, just a mutual realisation that they actually wanted different things from the rest of their lives, and so they’d ended it. It had taken time, nearly a year in fact, but they had eventually reached a point where they could share a pint once again, and laugh and talk as friends once more.

Robbie had felt certain that had been it for him, at least in terms of love and romance. No more great passions lurked in his future, not after having been blessed with the love of two good women. He’d shrugged and tried to bury himself back in work, but James hadn’t let him.

James. Patient, kind, brilliant, awkward James. Passionate James, tender James. Robbie knew he should have seen it sooner; with hindsight, it had been painfully obvious at times, the way James had quietly carried a torch for Robbie for nearly ten years. The other man had hidden it well, of course, never thinking he stood a chance.

Robbie hadn’t ever considered it, but perhaps that had been for the best. Perhaps, if they had tried something sooner, it wouldn’t have worked out between them, and Robbie would have lost the best friend he’s ever had. Perhaps James hadn’t really been ready either, in spite of his feelings – they’ve both changed so much in the last decade, after all, and experienced so much, both good and bad.

But now, James’s close-cropped head of blond hair is resting on Robbie’s pillow. James’s thin lips are parted ever so slightly as he snuffles in his sleep, the newly-formed stress lines on his forehead smooth and relaxed for once. James’s long arm is wrapped loosely around Robbie’s waist, one even longer leg tucked between Robbie’s own, and their naked bodies are warm against each other. 

Robbie feels his heart almost fit to burst with the love he feels when he looks down at James. There are so many reasons why it shouldn’t work between them – age, for one, not to mention their backgrounds, and their close working relationship – and yet strangely none of that matters. While Robbie had been mourning Val, and trying to make things work with Laura, James had quietly wormed his way deep into Robbie’s heart; never asking for anything, and somehow becoming the single most important person in Robbie’s world.

When James smiles, Robbie’s whole world is brighter. And when James quotes him something obscure, in that deep voice of his, Robbie marvels at the size of the man’s intellect. He loves James’s sarcasm and his gentleness, his enthusiasm and his wit, and when those long arms wrap around him so tightly, warm lips kissing his cheek, Robbie knows how much he is loved in return.

Their bond is strong and feels almost unshakeable, forged through years of shared experiences. Robbie can’t plan for all the twists and turns life will throw at them, of course, can’t see the changes that might be lurking around the corner. But without those twists and turns and changes, he would never have ended up here, happy and loved and in love, with this brilliant and handsome man sleeping by his side. All of that is more than Robbie ever thought he would have again, and he knows just how lucky he really is.


	2. Chances

It’s been so many years in the making that even now James can’t quite believe it’s actually happened. A part of him still expects to wake up one morning to find himself alone in his bed, back in the empty and impersonal flat he’d had for so many years, one wall filled with a mirror reflecting his pale and weary face right back at him. 

Instead, every morning now he wakes to find himself beside the man he’d never thought he could have, in the warm and homey flat they share. Robbie is usually awake first, unless James has been summoned by a call-out in the dead of night, and the first thing James hears is almost always a whispered ‘I love you’, followed by a tender kiss.

So many long years he’s dreamed of having just this – is it any wonder it all feels like it really is just that, a dream? 

His heart has belonged to Robbie from almost the first week they worked together, when James had started to get to know the other man properly. Robbie was so kind and generous, and so much more intelligent than he pretended to be at times. He had the most beautiful blue eyes, and such an expressive face, and strong, firm hands. Over the years, James had spent far too many nights fantasising about feeling those hands all over his own body.

But for all his fantasies, James had never really held any hope that Robbie might feel the same way, let alone any hope that the older man might actually take a chance by being with him. And it would have been a chance in every way, a true gamble; James knows he has never been the easiest of people to understand or to love, and his own track record with relationships didn’t exactly inspire confidence that the two of them could have made it work any sooner.

James had kept his feelings buried deep inside, careful not to let them creep to the surface. He’d never wanted to embarrass Robbie in any way, by forcing the other man to politely yet firmly reject him. Robbie would have been too professional to let James’s feelings get in the way of their working relationship, but there is no doubt in James’s mind that their friendship would have been irreparably damaged if Robbie had known earlier, and that friendship had been all that kept James going at times, the friendship of a good and generous man. He had always tried his hardest to return that friendship just as strongly, to be everything Robbie needed him to be.

He’d watched over the years as Robbie visibly changed from the grieving widower James had been sent to pick up from the airport that very first day. In the beginning, understandably perhaps, Robbie had buried himself deep in his job, but slowly the other man had started to flirt occasionally with the idea of dating. Finally, Robbie had become a man who was happy again in his work, and seemed to have recovered from his wife’s death enough to consider trying to find love once more. 

There had been times when James had felt Robbie would never get over the cavernous wound left behind by Val’s death, and so he had been genuinely pleased for his friend when he and Laura had suddenly got together, after years of dancing around the subject.

James had never held any real hope that his own feelings might one day be returned, so he wasn’t hurt too much by their new relationship, even if it had stung a little at first. He’d made occasional, abortive attempts at finding love himself over the years, but it seemed his heart had already been committed and so, in spite of his efforts, any attempt to find love elsewhere had been doomed to failure from the very start. 

Of the handful of people, both male and female, that James had attempted relationships with over the years, Zoe was the only one who had left any lasting impact on his life, and it certainly hadn’t been because of any love he had felt for her. James tried desperately not to think about Zoe even now, if only because thinking about her led him to think about Will, and The Garden, and the tormented priest-in-training he’d been. He still regretted so much of what he’d said and done back then, but he’d accepted finally that he couldn’t change his past. Zoe had nearly torn James and Robbie apart forever, but they’d come through it somehow with a deeper understanding on both sides, and James couldn’t bring himself to regret that. 

And so he’d just settled for being Robbie’s best friend, which was, in the end, enough. He’d watched as Robbie edged towards Laura, then cheered from afar as they moved into their new home and started what appeared to be the perfect life together. He’d been delighted just to be included in their happy bubble, accepting the occasional dinner invitation and meeting them in the pub, and he’d convinced himself he was genuinely content with his life.

Deep in his heart, though, James had always loved Robbie, and always would. But he hadn’t been waiting, nor wishing, not consciously. There had been no signs that Robbie felt anything more than a deep friendship for him, though perhaps in the very back of James’s mind, locked tightly in a small box at the bottom of a deep pit, there had been some kind of hope. A hope that someday Robbie might look at James differently, and take a chance that the two of them could find happiness together.

Out of nowhere, it seemed, that chance had suddenly arrived. Robbie and Laura had ended their relationship, and spent an awkward year finding their way back to being ‘just good friends’. James had kept Robbie from burying himself in work or drinking too much, trying to be the best friend he could possibly be, and somehow, after all that, Robbie had seen something in James that he’d never seen before, or had perhaps never paid much attention to before.

They’d grown steadily closer, the spaces between them eroding effortlessly, until one night, Robbie had simply leaned over and kissed him very deliberately. Barely able to believe his luck, James had kissed Robbie back fiercely, almost desperately at first. But both of them were cautious, afraid of hurting the other, and they had slowed down long enough to talk about their feelings and their fears, awkwardly but honestly. 

Did they really want to take the chance that their close friendship could be ruined, all in the hope of possibly finding love together?

To James’s surprise and delight, Robbie had wanted to take that chance just as much as he did, and it has all been so much more than James could ever have dared to dream; each morning he wakes up by Robbie’s side, in their bed, and every time Robbie turns to him with a loving smile, a part of him still can’t believe it’s all real, expecting the wonderful dream to end suddenly and to find himself alone again. 

So every time those strong hands come up to cup James’s cheeks, thumbs stroking softly, James happily lets himself be pulled down until their noses are almost touching, their lips sharing the same breath. And when Robbie slides one hand around to cradle the back of James’s head before kissing him, long and deep, he knows in his soul that he is loved, and this is certainly not a dream. 

He’d never consciously made the decision to wait for Robbie, to stand patiently in line until the other man decided to take a chance on him, but James knows just how lucky he truly is.


End file.
